Buzz Light Year and Woody

Any Toy Story fans? The new Toy Story 5, rated 18+, to be released soon……

……where Andy’s mum reveals that she also has toys called Woody and Buzz.

Listening 👂

“You haven’t listened to a word I have said, have you?”……

……..Always seems like a strange way for my ex girlfriend to start a conversation with me.

eBay

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I typed in “cigarette lighter”…..

…..and I got 1600 matches.

Sniffer Dogs 🐶

Police sniffer dogs restraints are stolen……..

…….police have no leads.

Make ❤️

My girlfriend said I should use the term ‘make love’ instead of ‘fuck’…..

……What the make love is she talking about!?

Big Mac

I met the man who invented the Big Mac today….

……he was much smaller and less appealing than in his photos.

Fragrance

I’ve just released my own fragrance…….

……..but no one on this bus seems to like it. 

Clown 🤡

A clown opened the door for me today…….

…………It was a nice jester.

Yobs

Some yobs stole 100 crates of Red Bull from the local supermarket……

……I don’t know how they sleep at night.

Tinnitus

Rang the tinnitus helpline today….

…..but it just kept ringing