I got a brand new car for my wife…….
…..the best trade I have ever made.
What’s up doc
My doctor and his new wife are massive bugs bunny fans……
…….They met on WhatsApp.
Eyes 👀
My girlfriends got the eyes of a movie star…..
……Shame it’s Colombo’s though.
My 3 Favourite Things
My three favorite things are eating my family……..
……and not using commas.
Blame
I blame maths for my divorce……
………my wife put 2 and 2 together.
Therapist
Therapist: “Fuck anyone who doesn’t like you!”…….
……..Me: “Wow, that’s a lot of sex.”
Goals in Life
My ex-girlfriends goal in life is to piss off one person a day……
…….so far she’s about 4 years ahead of schedule.
Doesn’t need me?! 🤔 Hmmm
My wife said she didn’t need me anymore. So I sneaked down to the kitchen…..
…..and tightened all the lids.
Cold 🥶
It’s so cold outside……
…..I saw a gangster with his pants pulled up.
Pirate goes to the Doctors
A pirate goes to the doctors,
“Thar be strange moles on me back”
Doctor says “they’re benign”……..
……..Pirate: “Check again matey, I think thar be ten”…
