Jokes

Facebook

Says here you get offended by comments on FaceBook. I’m writing you a prescription for………..

………two testicles.

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Jokes

Parachute

My ex-girlfriend is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow. I am sincerely and genuinely scared that the chute won’t open……….

…….the last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

Jokes

Thrown Out

Got thrown out the chemist today. All I asked the lady behind the counter was, ‘do you take it up the arse love or do you swallow?’ She went mental…….

…….fuck knows how I am supposed to take these medications.

Jokes

Waddle Walk

You know when you are having a shit and you suddenly realise you have run out of toilet paper, so you have to get up and do the ‘waddle walk’ to get a new role……………….

………….well I’m nearly at the supermarket.

Jokes

Dilemma 🤔

My son asked me what a ‘dilemma’ was.

I said “imagine you’re naked in a big bed with a beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other side…………

………who you gonna turn your back on?”