My three favorite things are eating my family……..
……and not using commas.
Blame
I blame maths for my divorce……
………my wife put 2 and 2 together.
Therapist
Therapist: “Fuck anyone who doesn’t like you!”…….
……..Me: “Wow, that’s a lot of sex.”
Goals in Life
My ex-girlfriends goal in life is to piss off one person a day……
…….so far she’s about 4 years ahead of schedule.
Doesn’t need me?! 🤔 Hmmm
My wife said she didn’t need me anymore. So I sneaked down to the kitchen…..
…..and tightened all the lids.
Cold 🥶
It’s so cold outside……
…..I saw a gangster with his pants pulled up.
Pirate goes to the Doctors
A pirate goes to the doctors,
“Thar be strange moles on me back”
Doctor says “they’re benign”……..
……..Pirate: “Check again matey, I think thar be ten”…
Crossword
If you see someone doing a crossword, just lean over and say……..
…….“7 up is Lemonade”
Scary Maths
I had a scary joke about maths……
…….but I’m 2² to say it.
Exchange Numbers
Her: ”Let’s exchange numbers”…….
………Me: ”Won’t that confuse people who are trying to call us?”
