My girlfriend accused me of doing nothing around the house. Excuse me, but………
…….who pissed the skid mark off the inside of the toilet then?
Advertisements
Maths made Simple
If I had £20 and my girlfriend has £5………..
………she has £25
Coin Flipping
A bloke told me at the gym that he makes every single decision by flipping a coin………..
………….I thought to myself, ‘what a tosser’
SatNav
I had a Bonnie Tyler SatNav, but it was terrible……..
…….it kept telling me to turn around , and every now and then it fell apart. 🎵
Spoilt her
I really spoilt her yesterday. First I bought her a lovely new scent. Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body. I even done the vacuuming and dusting………..
……..I love my fucking car.
Divorce Court Judgement
A divorce court judge said to me, “after reviewing your case very carefully, I have decided to give your wife £800 a week”………..
…………”That’s very fair your honour”, I replied, “and every now and then I will try to send her a few quid myself”.
Barber Shop
I went to the barber shop for a shave. He asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so that he can get a closer shave around the cheeks.
“What if I swallow the ball?” I asked……….
………he replied “no problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else”
The Time
I got asked the time by the boiler repair man……..
……so I told the bastard it’s between 8am and 1pm.
Flying: Earache Remedy
Every time I fly I suffer from terrible earaches but I have found the remedy this year……
……I’ve booked the girlfriends seat six rows back.
Cheating
I’m sure my mate is having an affair with my girlfriend……..
……..he’s been a right miserable bastard lately.
