Jokes

Housework

My girlfriend accused me of doing nothing around the house. Excuse me, but………

…….who pissed the skid mark off the inside of the toilet then?

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Jokes

Spoilt her

I really spoilt her yesterday. First I bought her a lovely new scent. Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body. I even done the vacuuming and dusting………..

……..I love my fucking car.

Jokes

Divorce Court Judgement

A divorce court judge said to me, “after reviewing your case very carefully, I have decided to give your wife £800 a week”………..

…………”That’s very fair your honour”, I replied, “and every now and then I will try to send her a few quid myself”.

Jokes

Barber Shop

I went to the barber shop for a shave. He asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so that he can get a closer shave around the cheeks.

“What if I swallow the ball?” I asked……….

………he replied “no problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else”