I’m sick of people saying men can’t multitask. I can tell my ex girlfriend she looks beautiful and………
…….keep a straight face at the same time.
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Somersault
If one more person asks me to do a somersault……..
………I swear I’m gonna flip.
Here For U
I just wanted to let you know that if you are feeling down and need someone, I am always here for you……
……only on Facebook though, don’t phone me or come to my house with that shit.
Marriage 💍
Marriage is like a game of cards. It starts off with 2 hearts and a diamond……
………but eventually you’ll need a club and a spade.
Bus Stop 🚏
Sitting at a bus stop, I asked a bird, “when’s it due?”
She replied “I’m not pregnant you d**k”……..
…………..“I was taking about the bus you f**king fat cow”.
Normal?
Is it normal for one of your tits to be bigger than the other……….
……..two?
Asking for my ex girlfriend
Balding
My girlfriend left me because I’m going bald………..
…………I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss
Says here you get offended by comments on FaceBook. I’m writing you a prescription for………..
………two testicles.
Parachute
My ex-girlfriend is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow. I am sincerely and genuinely scared that the chute won’t open……….
…….the last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.
Doctors Visit
Nurse says to an old man, “the doctor would like a stool, urine and sperm sample”,
Man turns to wife, “what did she say”………
……..his wife replies, “they want your underwear”
